If you are a parent of a pre-school child, don't be fooled into thinking you have any secrets from your child's teacher. The minute they step into that classroom they spill their guts, blab everything you don't want people to know like something reminiscent of Jim Carey's movie liar liar. As a pre-school teacher I have had the pleasure of hearing some of the weirdest stories and cutest sayings that could come out of the mouth of a 5 year old. Listed below are a few of my all time favorite gems:
When told to fetch his bag, shoes and jacket to take home with him 5year old Joshua responded with "How can you expect me to carry it all I'm not an octopus".
Upon hearing his classmate using a bad word, Mathew shouted "teacher teacher Rory said a square word". (I would hate to know what would constitute a hexagon word).
Truly innocent and not yet street wise
While discussing comic books with 10 year old James, I was told that 'those' books were inappropriate for his age group because they contained swear words. This was most disconcerting to me as I thought spider man and batman comic books were specifically designed for the pre-teen. I asked him what sort of swear words were in them, and he politely declined to tell me the exact word, but explained that it was the thing that beaver's build. The word in question was dam!
Airing dirty laundry
One Monday morning Ann's parents brought her to school together as they always had done, but somehow this morning I could tell by their demeanor that something was a little off. Later that day during news time Ann told us the lovely story of how her daddy screamed at her mommy and called her an ugly name that rhymed with itch. Then mommy got cross and threw the iron at daddy breaking the cupboard door when daddy cleverly ducked out of the way.
When I asked the class what special thing they were planning to do for their mommy on mother's day, Gabby who was 5 years old at the time, said she was going to wash her dad's motorbike for him. I pointed out to her that it was mother's day and not father's day, she replied "well if daddy's bike is clean maybe he will ride it all the way to Cape Point and give mommy some peace and quiet. (I hear mommy's voice in there somewhere, don't you?).
And my absolute favorite, the one that literally made me laugh out loud:
While aupairing full time for a family in Hout Bay a few years ago, Callum then a very bright 3 year old asked me if I would buy him his favourite Tweenies toy as it was only R200. I asked him if he has asked his mom to buy it for him. He told me his mom was not allowed to buy anything anymore because she had used up all his daddy's money that he worked so hard for and that daddy was as mad as the hat man in alice in wonderland. When I told him that I didn't have money either he said I should go and get some from the money robot. Curious as to what this was I asked and he explained; "You put your card with a message on it into the robot's eye and he spits out money from his mouth, lots and lots of paper money. (ATM machine?)
I crack myself up on a daily basis at work listening to little ones and their explanations.