The best things in life are free...

The best things in life are free, but you can give them to the birds and the bees. I want money. That’s what I want….

Yes most of us spend our lives working and trying to find ways to make as much money as possible, I truly do believe the best things in life really are free.

Valentines Day last week was amazing; I can honestly say it was the most romantic night of my life!

No we didn’t go away to a log cabin in the woods

No we didn’t go to a fancy pretentious restaurant

No we didn’t go on a sunset cruise and

No we didn’t go for a walk along the beach

All of these things sound really romantic (and expensive) don’t they?

Anyone of the above would have been viable options for a great Valentines evening, but none would have been able to compare with the one I had.

awesome dinner table

So where did you go? You ask, well, we stayed at home. I have been working really long hours lately and my considerate boyfriend knew that the last thing I wanted to do when I got home that night was dress up and go out. When I walked in the door I was greeted by my gorgeous man wearing a shirt, tie (he looks so sexy in a tie! Yum) and an apron. He had cooked us a delicious meal, but the best part was the table setting. He kept apologizing for not taking me out to a fancy restaurant. Anyone can make a reservation at a restaurant, pay the bill and buy a lovely card. My man cooked for me, gave me a hand made card with the most beautiful heartfelt poem he wrote and decorated the table with over thirty red hearts he had taken the time to cut out himself. I told him that the waiter at whatever restaurant he would have taken me to, would not have taken the time to hand cut all those hearts and that the time and effort (even though it didn’t cost anything) he took to do all this just for me, meant more than any meal out. That’s the part a lot of men don’t get, you don’t have to spend a fortune to make a girl happy. A simple gesture of kindness, a little love note on the pillow, a flower on your plate when he serves you a toasted cheese sandwich or coffee in bed every morning can make a world of a difference without breaking the bank. All of these things I have experienced and these are the little things that show me he cares.

Yes my Scott is special, and Valentines evening for me, was the most romantic night of my life. Thank you Scott! I love you more and more with each passing year. 

my amazing Scott

High School

This blog post is brought to you by my sick-bed; yes I am at home lying in bed and feeling generally yucky. Naturally the only thing I can do in this situation is lie here and tweet as my thumbs are probably the only part of my body that has any energy to do anything today.  Reading twitter (to curb the boredom) I noticed that my incredibly forward thinking boyfriend has struck a chord with many people regarding their experiences of high school. This comes at a time when he is now thinking about his eldest who will be starting high school next year. His anxiety about making sure it’s the right school for his child is totally normal and most parents go through a similar experience. My initial thought when he voiced his concerns were, “I’m sure he will be fine” after all I have been there done that three times over. This, I realize is not helpful to our relationship as my blasé attitude to parenting (yawn) does not diminish the fact that my partner still has to go through some of the experiences I have already been through.

This made me think of my own high school experience, one that was not all roses, but more like thorn bushes and cacti. I started out like every other newbie, thinking I was all that and expected to be treated as such. It’s so different when you come from just being the top dog and senior at your primary school to starting at a grade 1 level all over again.

I had short curly hair and in primary school my ‘curls’ were cute and adored. In high school I was asked by a bunch of matric girls (the movie mean girls immediately springs to mind just thinking about them) if I permed my hair. This was the eighties after all. “No” I replied, quite proudly, “it’s natural”. The next day when I entered school I was greeted by strangers saying, “Good morning natural” with a sarcastic undertone. After that I became known as ‘nest head” I guess that was pretty much the beginning of my hate-hate relationship with my curly hair. The problem was that this kind of abuse (for lack of a better word) just made me more determined to show everyone that I WAS in fact all that. I became a complete brat at home, cheeky teenager syndrome multiplied by a thousand. I disrespected my teachers just to show the other kids I can be cool, dark and brooding, like James Dean in rebel without a cause. (Except I had a cause)  I did things like hitchhike to clubs, wear make-up to get into pubs when I was only thirteen. Normal teenage behaviour you may say, but I neglected my school work in all my efforts to be part of the ‘in’ crowd and be considered cool. This is one of my biggest regrets in life, to this day. I managed somehow to get through three years of high school without so much as opening a book to study! Not once. Then my mom enrolled me into a college (which I loved) to complete my education.

 I often wonder how much better I could have faired academically if I had actually applied myself and tried to study something. I guess I will never know the answer to that question. I wish I would have concentrated more on school work, respected my teachers who were only there to assist me in my education and worried less about the social aspects of it all. I wish I could have realized that because I am such a social person, I would eventual blossom and have an actual social life. That it would come in time and to just wait for it. I wish I could have known then that I would have friends who like me for me, and not to pretend to be something/someone else just to be liked.

Lessons one learns only form hindsight unfortunately.

For parents

As some of you may know, I have been writing articles for an online parenting website called Mommy Matters Magazine. The intention of this site is to help parents in all issues relating to parenting. It was created as a kind of resource site for parenting. In case you have missed some of my articles, today instead of blogging I have decided to compile a list of them. Below are the links to the articles I have written so far. I hope you find them useful and interesting.

How to cultivate an inquiring mind:

How to survive the first day of play-school:

Child friendly places to go in Cape town:

Beating the holiday boredom blues:

Milestones from 2-5yrs explained:

Positive potty training:

How Twitter changed my life

I was contemplating leaving my marriage when I realized all my friends are couple friends. You know the kind that won’t be there for you when you split up? So I heard about Twitter and joined on the 11th of April 2009. I went to a few tweet-ups and met some incredible people. At one particular tweet-up I went to meet a friend who had come down to Cape Town from Pretoria; little did I know that I would meet my new partner (the man of my dreams) that night. He had come to the same tweet-up with the same intention and we met and hit it off immediately. We were both in the same place in our lives and had so much in common; we fell madly, deeply in love. In June 2010 newly divorced, I moved in with my boyfriend and have been happier than I have ever been. This in itself is quite life changing. But wait there is more……… Shortly after I moved in, my boyfriend lost his job and relied on twitter for freelance work. This helped us get through the first year together. In May of 2011 my afternoon au-pair position ended as the mom I worked for quit her job and decided to become a stay at home mom, even though I teach mornings and do have a job, it was hard to adjust to having only half a salary. I tweeted that I was looking for an afternoon au-pair post and two weeks ago a twitter friend sent me details of someone looking for an au-pair, through this interaction I went for an interview and was offered the position. In October 2011 my boyfriend applied for a full time position which was advertised on Twitter and got it! He is also extremely happy in his new job, loving it every day.

That is two jobs and a life partner for my boyfriend and I all because of twitter! Not to mention all the wonderful people we have met through this social medium, some of whom I am proud to call friends in real life.

Yes sometimes twitter is just a place to be silly, tweet jokes, say what you are thinking. Sometimes it is a source of entertainment when you are bored or standing in a queue. Sometimes it can help you answer a question, choose a movie or help you with a recipe. Sometimes it can be a source of comfort when you are feeling down and sometimes, just sometimes it can literally change your life.

Family traditions

Have you ever wondered why you do certain things a certain way?  Most families have certain traditions that get passed down from generation to generation. I remember a school friend of mine whose mother was regretful that she had managed to have three out of her four children christened, but somehow never got around to having her fourth child christened. I could never understand why it was such a big deal for them as they were not the religious type and never really went to church. I asked her mom about it once and she just said; “because it's something that must be done”.

In my family we had a tradition of opening our presents at midnight on Christmas Eve; this was mainly because we had to rush in the morning to get to church. My boyfriend however did not agree with this idea, as I sadly discovered on Christmas Eve when he told me I had to go sleep and was only allowed to open my gifts in the morning.

Another friend of mine once spent a couple of months in America, during that time she was invited to a traditional thanks giving dinner. She watched the hostess prepare the turkey with great interest. As the lady of the house was about to put the turkey into the oven, she sliced off two thick chunks of meat from either side of the turkey. When my friend asked her why she did that, she said “I don’t know, it’s the way my mom does it.”

That evening the hostess asked her mom why she always sliced off the sides of the turkey before putting it into the oven. Her mom replied “because when I was young the turkey was bigger and we had to cut it so that it would fit into the oven dish”.

I realized that it’s okay to question something if you don’t understand it, rather than doing things blindly just because that’s how it’s always been done. This is what my generation is doing now anyway. Media and Hollywood keep telling us to question the norm, think outside the box. With movies that show an underachiever questioning authority and winning the hearts of the audience. People are becoming more and more vocal about what they want and sharing their feelings through social media and blogs. People are no longer willing to become doormats, they are starting to stand up for themselves and don’t get me wrong I like it, but I do see the side effects. Lack of respect seems to be the norm for young teens these days. I wonder if there is a way to question authority without being disrespectful of it. If there is, our teenagers sure haven’t learnt that yet.

Handle with care

She was so tired; the last few weeks of work were insanely busy. So many last minute things to do, but tomorrow would be the start of her holiday, she could not wait. Kay closed her eyes out of sheer exhaustion and fell instantly asleep

She awoke with all the excitement a seven year old could have on Christmas morning. She heard her mom calling her, “Are you awake Kay? Come to the living room we have a surprise for you” She ran to the living room as fast as her little legs could carry her, heart pounding with excitement. “Merry Christmas sweetheart” said her mom and dad in unison. “Do you want to open your presents?” said her dad. She looked at them and shouted “Yes, yes, yes, but first you have to open yours okay” She handed her mom and dad their gifts and watched with great anticipation as they opened them. Mom received a hand drawn picture in a photo frame made out of cardboard and macaroni. “Its beautiful honey” she said and gave Kay a hug. “Now you, dad” she said. He opened it calmly, looked at the empty tin can covered in brown paper and colourful stickers and said “What is it honey?”  “It’s for your desk daddy, you put your pens in it” she said. “Ah, just what I need” he said and gave her a kiss on her forehead “Now you have to open yours “He said gently.

She opened the biggest present that was under the tree and squealed with excitement as she discovered its contents. “It’s the Rapunzel Barbie with the flowing long golden hair!” she exclaimed, “thank you, thank you, thank you, it’s just what I wanted”. Then something shiny caught her eye. It was sitting to the centre of the tree all alone, hints of silver streaming from it. “What’s that?” she said, pointing to the little silver box in the corner with a big pink ribbon on top of it.

“I don’t know honey” said mom with a puzzled look on her face. Dad looked at the mysterious box and then at mom with suspicion. Mom met his gaze and shook her head and shrugged her shoulders as if to signify that she too was just as flummoxed by the appearance of this little box. Was it from Father Christmas? She thought, did he really exist? Mom turned to her and said “Well why don’t you open it and find out?” almost as if she was reading Kay’s thoughts. She walked over to it, picked it up carefully and placed it on her lap. She shook it gently, and then sniffed it, as if that would give her some clue as to its origin. She looked at the pink bow; it was the most perfect bow she had ever seen as if it was formed in a factory, both sides in perfect symmetry. On the side of the box was a little card that read, For K.

She tugged ever so gently at the ribbon, being careful not to tear it. As the bow unfolded and the ribbon fell silently to the ground, she began peeling back the silver paper. “What is it?” said mom. A stream of light flooded the room, “I don’t know” Kay replied. Then Kay woke up.

She sat up in bed, looked at the bedside table, the alarm clock read 4:25. Dammit, she thought what a dream. Then it caught her eye, the little silver box with its perfectly formed ribbon. She reached for it, hands trembling and immediately ripped open the box.

As she stared down at this gift, she heard an audible voice from within it saying; “This is your future Kay”.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift! That’s why it’s called the present.

The unpaid babysitter

As the year draws to a close and people everywhere have a million and one end-of-year functions to attend more and more parents find themselves in need of the services of a good babysitter. I have been babysitting for many years and found it to be quite lucrative. Then I thought, being a parent is much like being a babysitter, except that there is no one to relieve you at the end of your shift (the hours are sporadic at best). There is no salary (a big minus if you need money to survive) and the responsibility of ensuring that this little being is reared in the best way possible is as great as if you were the CEO of a major corporation.

So why do we do it then? Why do we go through all that pain (and believe me there is pain, they don’t call it labour for nothing) of childbirth for something that seems to have little to no reward?  And why would parents who have more than one child do it over and over again?

Because there is a reward, one that is far beyond anything you can ever imagine. It may not be measured in monetary terms or seem to be of much worth in this materialistic world, but is much greater than you could perceive.

My children are all grown up now and it has not all been a bed of roses. There were times when I thought the hospital they were born in had made a horrible mistake and given me the wrong children.  The one thing that has remained constant is that I love them unconditionally. It’s not something you plan, it just happens right from the moment they are born (and sometimes for parent’s right from the time they find out they are with child). When you hold your little baby in your arms you are overwhelmed by so many things. You immediately know that you will do everything in your power to love and protect him to the best of your ability. You may never be the best parent in the world but I reckon that as long as you strive to do your best that is good enough.

So how about those rewards I mentioned then? Well….You will receive great joy in seeing your child’s first smile, it has been known to be quite infectious you can’t resist smiling back. You will enjoy (yes enjoy) being drooled on and having bits of food all over your clothes when he first learns to eat solids. First steps are always exciting, thank goodness he has a nappy to land on when he stumbles. And that is just the tip of the iceberg. Then we get to the pre-school years….You will be entitled to receive very cute hand made mother’s day cards with lots of squiggly drawings that only your child can decipher. You will fill with pride watching him on stage at his very own nursery school concert where you just know (even though he may only have a minor role) he will be the star. When he puts his arms around you and says “I love you mommy” the feeling you will have inside your heart is so great you will feel like you have just won the biggest lottery on earth. It gets better and better as he grows into his own, and you get to watch how this little individual is becoming a grown up person. You will fill with pride at his many achievements and be there to help him along when he has doubts and sorrows.

I could go on and on about the many rewards of being a parent, but, for, me the only thing better than being a parent is being a grandparent.

Below is a Face book message I received from my daughter a week after her little girl was born:

Hey mommy, I just wanted to say THANK YOU! For putting up with us 3. I can only now understand and have a deeper appreciation for how difficult it must be being a mom. I love you. I really am having a hard time adjusting, but taking it every day at a time. *mwah* I really am grateful for everything you have done. xx your daughter.