Why I blog...

I use this blog as a kind of therapy. Sometimes I'm happy and want to share it, sometimes it's just a random thought and sometimes it's to deal with things in my past. After all a burden shared is a burden halved

Friday, September 19, 2014

Our crazy, big, complicated, blended family.....

Since getting married recently I have gained three stepchildren, two brother in-laws, a sister in-law and a father in-law. As well as some uncles, aunts and cousins but they are all in the UK and we will probably never ever meet.  My husband on the other hand has gained a nation. To say that my family is complicated (I know I know almost everyone’s family is complicated) is an understatement.  They are a cross between The Brady bunch meets Little house on the prairie with the Osbournes. And that’s just on my mother’s side! Some of them are quite religious and choose to worship God in many ways while others are less outspoken about their religious beliefs and choose to worship at the local pub. The latter seem to be just as devoted to their cause, if not more.
Scott and I with our 6 kids, 2 grand kids and my mom and step dad
Then there is my step dad and his family, who I knew growing up but we have grown apart since I started a family of my own. My own children who now have children and partners and their partner’s family dramas and my biological dad and his family who I have only recently re-connected with.
This can at times be a little too much for my stepson Jonah who is the youngest of our collective 6 children. He is only 8 and is always asking questions. The other day he asked if MY step dad will be his double step granddad or as he put it, his dub step granddad. Then there is the question of my siblings. I have never had a full sibling (meaning the same mom and dad). I have two sisters from the same father and a brother from the same mother.  Jonah wanted to know what they are to him, I tried explaining that they are his half step uncle and half step aunts or is it step half uncle…..
You see my dilemma?
The first photo ever taken of my sisters and I
All in all we are a very complicated bunch, and as complicated as we are we all love each other to some degree. My mom’s side of the family are also a very noisy lot and if you want to be heard when we all get together the trick is to speak as loud as possible. The person with the loudest voice is often the only one who is heard.  My maternal grandmother turned 80 this year and still has all her faculties intact. This makes her a great great grandmother to my granddaughters. That’s 5 generations in a row. A lot of my cousins are in their mid twenties to mid thirties now and have started having babies. One of them to started off this trend and now everyone seems to be joining in. So the family is just growing and growing. I think by the time Jonah is old enough to start a family of his own he may just have it all figured out.

With my dad and step mom

Monday, September 15, 2014

A weighty issue

When I was younger I was always a skinny little girl even after I had 3 kids I managed somehow to lose the weight fairly quickly and my body bounced back.  I was only 21 after the birth of my third child so it made sense that I could keep my slim youthful figure. My average weight was around 52 kilograms and I was a size 32. When I turned 30 I noticed that my clothes were getting a little tighter and that my figure was changing. I put on a few kilograms, nothing too drastic but my body was expanding. At age 34 I had put on an extra 10 kilograms and gone up a dress size. This was a little worrying as I had only put on 15 kilograms with my two younger children during my whole pregnancy and 19 with my eldest. By now I was a size 34 with an average weight of 65kilograms.

I read somewhere about weight gain and how an underactive thyroid could be the cause. Because of course self diagnosing is often the most reliable. So with my new found information I went off to my doctor to have my thyroid gland checked out. Guess what, it turns out there was nothing wrong with my thyroid. The doctor asked me if I had changed anything in my diet. Suggesting that I may be responsible for my now overweight state sounded ludicrous to me and so I responded with a rather cocky: “No, not a thing”
“Well that’s just it” said my doc “You see as we get older our metabolism slows down and we have to start exercising and watching what we eat. You can’t go around eating like you did as a teenager anymore” I left his office feeling quite downhearted that there was no medical explanation I could blame for my weight gain. And so the downward spiral of battling with my body began.
By June 2010 at the age of 38 and going through a divorce, I was a size 36 boarding on 38 and my weight was 74 kilograms.

4 years ago

I have looked back on my life in the past 15 years and realised that there is a direct correlation between my being unhappy or depressed and overweight. My weight did not determine my happiness but my happiness or lack thereof determined my weight. Last year I bought a wedding dress for my wedding. The dress did not fit, I mean it looked so beautiful but the zip would not go up all the way. I bought it anyway in the hope that it may fit by the time I needed it or I would have holes put in the back and thread ribbon through it and leave the zip down. I was assured by a dressmaker that this would work.


I decided that I was going to only eat when I am hungry, not overeat (not that I ever did) and I would try and exercise in order to fit into that dress. Needless to say I have not exercised one bit (still as lazy and unfit as ever) but somehow by some miracle I managed to lose 17 kilograms and the zip on my dress went up all the way on my special day. Today I weigh 58 kilograms and can fit into a large size 32 or a small 34. I am not looking for a ‘well done’ as I didn’t work for it. If I had spent hours at the gym and was on a strict diet then I would welcome accolades for all my hard work. NO I simply stopped eating unnecessary. Scott and I eat mostly home cooked meals with normal but healthy type ingredients. I have not been on a diet; I still eat chocolate and cake every now and then.  I did also go off the injection about 2 years ago, but have only lost the weight in the last year so I am not sure if that had something to do with it.


Today I am happy, not because of my weight. I am just happy, with life, love and everything else. I am almost certain that this is the reason my body is now back to the way it was meant to be.
When I look back at the photos of me in the last 5 years I cringe at the thought of how huge I was. I told Scott the other day that it was a pity he met me when I was at my biggest. He simply said “I didn’t see you as a shape; I simply fell in love with you!” Awe how could I not be happy


Thursday, September 11, 2014

Marriage, divorce and feelings

This has been doing the rounds on social media for a while and every time I saw it I felt a little judged by others because I was divorced. This was one of those conspiracy type feelings, I know no one is really judging me (I think) but it stems from my christian upbringing. You know the one that says Christians don't get divorced.

I mean I tried, my marriage was not a fly by night thing it lasted for 22 years after all. Yes 22 years people that's like 154 dog years!!! okay unfair comparison, apples and oranges. The problem is, it ended. The first year after my divorce I felt like a failure, like people were secretly whispering about me..."There goes the divorcee, she didn't even try, she just gave up" Well I am here to tell you, that's not the case, I tried but you know what...some things are just not meant to be. It could not be fixed because it wasn't right. From the start it was never right.

I truly believe that I should not have gotten married in the first place. I was 16 for goodness sake, what the heck did I know about life. I fell (love that word...as if I slipped) pregnant and so we got married. He never even asked me, it was the thing you did when you got pregnant, and so we did.
Now I am not saying it was all bad or that it was a huge mistake, after all my first marriage brought me 3 children and for that reason alone I would do it all over again, but I know that in my heart it never felt right. Why am I bringing up the past now? Well I got married again on August 30th!!!!! and I can honestly tell you without a shadow of doubt, this time it is right. It feels right and it feels wonderful.

I fell (there is that word again) head over heels in love (not lust) with the right man that is just the right fit for me. He asked me, wow you have no idea how amazing that feels. He wanted to marry me so much that he actually asked me!!! not because I was pregnant, not because it was the thing we had to do but because he wanted to. He is the most amazing husband in the world and I feel like the luckiest woman ever.