Why I blog...

I use this blog as a kind of therapy. Sometimes I'm happy and want to share it, sometimes it's just a random thought and sometimes it's to deal with things in my past. After all a burden shared is a burden halved

Friday, February 26, 2010

I love my job! really

Yes I know this is quite shocking that in this day and age where people spend a lot of time griping about work and bitching about their boss. I in turn love my job and my boss is great!!! I teach 4-6year old's and it's the most rewarding experience in the world. They are at such an impressionable age, not too young to grasp basic concepts and produce good work but not quite old enough to give me a really hard time ( they haven't learnt the disrespect and 'cheek' of a teenager yet) I am the master of my own little universe that is my classroom. I plan the lessons and it can be as much fun as I allow. Of course like any job there are downsides, the pay for one is well.....crap. no one goes into teaching (at least not in South Africa) to become rich, you do it because it's a calling and you just really love working with children. I read a bumper sticker once that said " Teaching is a work of the heart" that phrase encompasses exactly what it is to be a teacher. for me the greatest reward is to compare what each child is capable of at the start of the year to what he/she has accomplished throughout the year and by the end of it. Knowing that I played an instrumental role in that progress gives me a sense of achievement and great satisfaction. It is particularly rewarding when you have a child with learning difficulties and you watch them struggle to grasp even basic concepts only to persevere and see the elation on their face when they finally do get it. No amount of money in the world can make up for that feeling.
I can't imagine being in a job I hate. Having to go to a place called work and do something I abhor for 8-9 hours at a time only to come back and do the same the next day. That would be soul destroying and unbearable, I think I would end up a very miserable person. Lucky for me I LOVE MY JOB and I look forward to going to school/work every day I'm sorry if that annoys you but it's true.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

I want expensive lipstick dammit

I have a best friend and her name is Coleen. Coleen has not yet been blessed/cursed(depending on wether you are having a good week or not) with children, yet. She is much younger than I am and her husband feels there is still plenty of time for such things in the distant future. coleen and I used to work together and every payday we would take a monthly trip to clicks in our lunch break to "splurge" or rather she would splurge while I looked on disapprovingly. I would buy necessities for the home while she would buy make up and other interesting 'girly' things. All the while I would be thinking of how many bottles of Sta-soft and dish washing liquid i could have bought for the same price as her day cream. There was never any animosity or sense of competition between us, I was merely noting the differences in lifestyle choices. While I secretly wished I could buy the moisture rich lipstick from Estee Lauder (that costs more than I'd care to say) rather than the the cheap one on the sale rack. She in turn was quietly yearning to start a family and become a mom.
I guess it's a case of "you are never happy with what you have" The old cliche' that the grass is always greener on the other side. Ah but is it really greener or does it merely appear to be greener? Well you can never know the answer to that question unless you venture out, over the bridge to the other side and find out for yourself.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

New beginnings

This year I embarked on a new adventure in life one that can have several possible outcomes. Normally this type of uncertainty would be quite intimidating and leave me feeling quite unnerved, but I feel at peace with the decisions I have made thus far. Life under normal circumstances is complicated enough without upsetting the applecart and throwing life changing decisions in the mix. Whoever coined the phrase "truth is stranger than fiction" sure knew many truths. last year was a wake up call for me, I realised I am a grown woman. I am empowered to create my own happiness and proceeded to do so. I sat down and created two lists, one with all the things that make me happy and that I enjoy and one with the opposite, things that make me unhappy. I decided to do more of the things on list number one and start eliminating things from list number two altogether.
I found it quite liberating crossing things off list number two, almost like free therapy!!! Now I am not saying this will solve all of life's problems, but it means I am taking a pro-active step forward, with contentment being my ultimate goal. I don't expect to find "utopia" but at least some joy and happiness.

I don't mean I am going to live an indulgent lifestyle as this would be selfish, but I will assessing anything I do from now to see id it is contributing towards my happiness or taking me further away from it. Something I think I should have done a long time ago.

I feel like I am exfoliating the dead cells of my life to reveal the beautiful glowing me underneath.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

random arbitrary thoughts

Lighthearted and a bit silly, but hey these are my thoughts!!

My sister in- law once (many many years ago) said that when she died she wanted to come back as a tree. besides not believing in that type of after life personally I always thought that to be a rather odd statement.

For some reason this week I remembered this and it gave me pause for thought. Yes why not be a tree, after all they are very useful. I myself love going for long walks in the forest amongst the trees it is a sight too beautiful to describe. Trees provide oxygen for our environment, they provide shade on a sunny day. They provide shelter for many species of wildlife and sustenance with the fruits they bear.

So upon reflecting I have decided it is indeed good to be a tree.............then I remembered wooden furniture!! hhmmm so it's good to be a tree unless of course you are spotted by a man with an axe to grind. "TIMBER"

Monday, February 1, 2010

My sister

I met my sister when she was 25 years old and I was 27. It was such an exciting occasion, I had known about her existence now for 14 years and often wondered what she was like. i was pleasantly surprised to find that even though we only had one parent in common we were extremely similar. We had the same taste in clothing, the same build and a lot of likes in common. In fact I thought she resembled a younger version of our mother. We bonded immediately and discovered we had our first child 6 months apart and many more commonalities.

Over the next 9years I got to know my sister who I came to love and respect, although we did not see each other too often we always made an effort to call or text and keep in touch.
I saw her last on June 16th 2008 (father's day service).

Sunday June 29th 2008-My birthday. my sister called me and wished me happy birthday and asked when I was coming to visit her again as she was missing me. I told her I would make an effort to come in the next two weeks as I was now on school holiday ( I am a teacher).

A week went by and I got a phone call from my mom the following Sunday 6th Of July. My sister was in hospital, she had swallowed a massive amount of prescription pills.

Monday 7th July 2008, at 8:30am she was pronounced legally brain dead but her body was still being kept alive with machines. At 8pm on Monday the 7th of July Adelle Jones was taken off life support. It took only 15minutes for her heart to give in and she was pronounced legally dead at 8:15pm.

I will always live with the regret of not going to visit her that week and wonder what it was that made her feel her life was so desperately doomed that there was no way to overcome it.

I will never allow my life to become so unhappy to the point that I will no longer want to live it!! EVER!!!

I will live it and do it to the fullest for my sister!

I love you sis -just remembering you today xx

family ties

My mother had three children. Me(mistake no:1) , a product of free night and alcohol abuse, my sister (mistake no:2) also the product of alcohol and free love. well i was told hey its was the 70's everyone was promiscuous. and My brother (the only planned for child) who was born when i was 10yrs old. Isn't it strange my mom conceived and literally "popped" out two healthy girls unplanned for and when she finally gets married and decides to have a child it took her three years to conceive and two miscarriages before my brother graced us with his presence.

when I came along my mother was only 17 years old and still living at home with her parents.

My grandparents were a very happy but humble couple who lived simply and got by without much. Grandpa worked for the Post Office, fixing telephone lines and Grandma or Ma as we all affectionately call her, stayed at home and took care of the kids (their 5 children and me child no:6). When my mom made mistake no: 2 she decided it was too much strain on their family life to have a 7th child so she discreetly "went away" for a couple of months. She had put my sister up for adoption much to the disappointment of my grandparents who were very family orientated and would do anything for anybody. I was only told of the existence of my sister when i was 13years old.

I have always had this enormous concern for closed adoptions and sperm banks. That someday you may meet someone of the opposite sex so perfect for you in every way, that it's like you were separated at birth, only to find out that in fact your DNA does come form the same donor.