Why I blog...

I use this blog as a kind of therapy. Sometimes I'm happy and want to share it, sometimes it's just a random thought and sometimes it's to deal with things in my past. After all a burden shared is a burden halved

Thursday, November 13, 2014

My BrightRock LoveChange competition entry

I have blogged extensively on this subject so you are forgiven for thinking you have read this before but since I didn't make it to the finals I thought I would share my entry.

Happy to be in my comfort zone I was always a little afraid of change. My adult life started when I got married at 16 and become a mom. I was happy for a while until one day I was not. I reflected upon my life and started noticing the things I overlooked. I was such an optimistic person, I kept focusing on the positive and somehow that overshadowed the negative but there comes a point in your life when you can no longer gloss over things and you realise that you have to deal with them. I became depressed and even attempted suicide. What happened to happy me? Until one day I was 37 years old and asked for a divorce.

 He resisted, my family resisted and so I gave in…for a little while.
I tried to make him see that we were no longer happy and have not been for some time. I listed all the things I was unhappy about our relationship. His response was “I was like that when you married me, I haven’t changed.”  That was it right there, I kept thinking, no hoping things would change, that he would change but he never did. I told him the problem was that I had changed, I grew up. I wasn’t that little 16 year old girl anymore. I was a grown woman with wants and needs that were not being fulfilled within our marriage. I saw no way out other than freedom. I began to join social networks looking for friends who will be there for me when I leave. I told myself I can be an independent woman. I lied! I was scared, where would I go? My pride would not allow me to skulk back to my mom who was violently opposed to me leaving. What about my children? How will I sustain myself? I had never been on my own, ever. How do you leave everything that you have ever known your whole adult life? I began to doubt the fact that I deserved more. The uncertainty of the future was daunting.  And then I met HIM!

The him that changed everything!!! He encouraged me to be strong, he offered me shelter with no strings attached but all the while I fell deeper and deeper in love with him. We could not deny our feelings but tried to fight it for the sake of others, knowing that neither of us was in any position to start a new relationship until our current ones were completely in our past. I held back for a while, hesitated and procrastinated. Not realising that I was putting my happiness on hold for the sake of others. Until one day with help and a nudge from new friends and circumstances I jumped, head first into a new relationship, into an unknown future, into my happiness.  I have known more joy, seen more things, been to more places in the last 5 years with my new partner than I have ever experienced in my entire adult life.  Comfort zone? What’s that? Something designed to keep you stuck in a rut forever.

Don’t be afraid of an unknown future, sometimes life can surprise you with things you didn’t even know you were capable of. Talents you never knew you had until someone cared enough to encourage you to explore new avenues. I have a new job, I met siblings I knew of but never met until my partner helped me find them. My life is completely different and I am grateful every day for making that change because without it, I would still be that sad unhappy person I came to loathe.

I am once again optimistic about my future, my life, love and everything else in between. Sure I have bad days like everyone else but they are manageable with the right person by my side.

You can view the finalists of the BrightRock LoveChange competition here: BrightRock LoveChange finalists  my husband is one of them! :)