Marriage, divorce and feelings

This has been doing the rounds on social media for a while and every time I saw it I felt a little judged by others because I was divorced. This was one of those conspiracy type feelings, I know no one is really judging me (I think) but it stems from my christian upbringing. You know the one that says Christians don't get divorced.

I mean I tried, my marriage was not a fly by night thing it lasted for 22 years after all. Yes 22 years people that's like 154 dog years!!! okay unfair comparison, apples and oranges. The problem is, it ended. The first year after my divorce I felt like a failure, like people were secretly whispering about me..."There goes the divorcee, she didn't even try, she just gave up" Well I am here to tell you, that's not the case, I tried but you know what...some things are just not meant to be. It could not be fixed because it wasn't right. From the start it was never right.

I truly believe that I should not have gotten married in the first place. I was 16 for goodness sake, what the heck did I know about life. I fell (love that word...as if I slipped) pregnant and so we got married. He never even asked me, it was the thing you did when you got pregnant, and so we did.

Now I am not saying it was all bad or that it was a huge mistake, after all my first marriage brought me 3 children and for that reason alone I would do it all over again, but I know that in my heart it never felt right. Why am I bringing up the past now? Well I got married again on August 30th!!!!! and I can honestly tell you without a shadow of doubt, this time it is right. It feels right and it feels wonderful.

I fell (there is that word again) head over heels in love (not lust) with the right man that is just the right fit for me. He asked me, wow you have no idea how amazing that feels. He wanted to marry me so much that he actually asked me!!! not because I was pregnant, not because it was the thing we had to do but because he wanted to. He is the most amazing husband in the world and I feel like the luckiest woman ever.