Why I blog...

I use this blog as a kind of therapy. Sometimes I'm happy and want to share it, sometimes it's just a random thought and sometimes it's to deal with things in my past. After all a burden shared is a burden halved

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Retribution, Disapointment and Punishment

I am told that when I was young I was quite the 'handful' Which is the politically correct way of saying I was a naughty little s..... My mom always maintained though that her consolation was that one day I would have kids of my own and they too would be teenagers at some point. This was her revenge as it were, and boy was she right! (but those stories are for another time) So back to my childhood, all the adults in my family had their own personal weapon of choice for metering out punishment. That was back in the day when corporal punishment was the norm and not a controversial subject. My paternal grandmother had a wooden spoon (which had a sad face drawn on it with marking khoki, i suspect) it was called 'tickler the wooden spoon'. This name always struck me as a bit odd, as it didn't tickle at all. My aunt on my mother's side had 'The purple slipper'. This was an adult sized (purple)  slipper with a rubberised sole, very flexible and therefore could deliver quite the spanking. My maternal grandparents preferred the old fashioned hand spanking method and my mother had a leather belt. Apparently the idea of the leather belt (I was told in later years) was meant to be so scary that it would not need to be used, merely threatened with. The threat was meant to coax me into submission. Unfortunately for me that theory was was ineffective. There was also the usual removal of privileges and cancelled play dates as well as 'time out 'in my room, these were for minor offences. But my ultimate worst punishment of all, the one I feared the most and could almost not bear to live through was when my grandpa looked me in the eye and said "my girl I'm so disappointed in you." Those words echoed around the room and felt like a knife jab straight to my heart. Still to this day I hate disappointing people in general. It's not so much that I have a need to please everyone, but I do have this need to not displease anyone.

In days of old when chivalry was rife, men gave their word and it was like an oath and could be trusted to be  true. They fought for the integrity of their word and to defend a woman's honour.
Today we are so used to broken promises, people not keeping their word and gossiping about other's that one's word is no longer considered to be true. Your word is taken with a pinch of salt and often not trusted unless proven to be true. Sort of like 'guilty until vindicated instead of innocent until proven otherwise'

So the bottom line is, I hate disappointment just like any other person, but not as much as I hate disappointing others. And if somehow, somewhere I have offended you or disappointed you in the past. I am truly deeply sorry.

Please forgive me


  1. I reckon friends and family should be able to forgive almost everything- true loving relationships. For the rest- the tiny group of individuals who don't forgive or harbour bitterness, you can apologise, say sorry, or reach out, but if they do not forgive, then that is their choice. We can't keep everyone happy, we can just try to act with fairness towards everyone. It shows maturity in wanting to restore or reconcile relationships, though- well done! I hope you manage to achieve peace..

  2. Shoowee, wasn't expecting that last bit!
    I also loathe disappointing anyone.
    For me, a lot of it has to do with pride. With not being embarrassed. I want to give and do my best at all times, and if I don't I am humiliated because I know they know.