A life full of rewards

Monday evening I had a moment of shear euphoria, yes I was happy. In fact I was so happy I had a fit of laughter, the kind of uncontrollable laughter that left me with a headache and aching tummy.  And then of course in true Karen tradition I had to over think this phenomenon, why am I so happy and how did I get here?

I started thinking about rewards and what the term “to live a rewarding life” really means. We all (whether we realise it or not) do things based on a reward system. We work all month to claim our reward of a salary at the end of it. You see rewards are great incentives. We enter competitions in the hope of being rewarded with a prize. There are businesses whose marketing involves some kind of reward system should you join their mailing list and what not. Buy in bulk and you are rewarded with a discount. Buy a magazine and you get rewarded with a free pair of sunglasses etc. Rewards are everywhere and in almost everything we do.

One thing I have learnt about human beings is that no matter where in the world you live, who you are as a person and despite cultural differences, there are two things everyone needs:

1.        The need to feel loved

2.        To feel good about yourself

Everyone wants to feel loved, whether it’s  in an adult relationship with a partner, the love of a pet or simply the love of a parent, everyone needs to feel loved by someone or something other than themselves.

Feeling good about yourself, everyone loves to feel good, in fact it is even better when you are feeling great. That feeling you get when you leave the hair salon and your hair is perfect and you feel awesome. The feeling you get when a new outfit fits just right in all the right places and makes you feel sexy. When you are praised for a job well done, you feel on top of the world. I could go on and on about feeling good about yourself, but you get the picture.

Then there is the unselfish act, the one that you do to help someone else feel good and expect no reward.  When you help someone in need with no expectation of them returning the favour, a true act of kindness.

 Even in those moments, there is a reward. Even if you don’t want one, there is, because it is in those moments that we feel good about ourselves. Not in an arrogant way where we smugly proclaim to the world, I am a good person, see I just helped someone. No, it’s in those unseen moments when we genuinely have compassion and want to make a difference for totally unselfish reasons. Even in those times we are rewarded.

 That is the true meaning of living a rewarding life.

new beginnings

It is arbor week this week and planting new trees always reminds me of new beginnings, so I wrote a poem about divorce and starting over.

Trapped I feel trapped and I just want to break free

Because deep down inside, I know that this is not how my life is supposed to be

But how do I do it? This is a humongous task

Where do I go from here? Who do I ask?

The voices say don't look at the obstacles ahead

Focus only on one small step at a time instead

My mind is racing, I don’t know what to do

I don’t know what I am or who

How did I get so lost inside

Where did I go, where did me hide

Who is this person I have become

I really don't like her not even some

Time to change my life's direction

And start liking my own reflection

Looking back I must admit

My life as it is now is a much better fit

The Tree house was collapsing

Scott challenged me to write a blog post/story using the phrase: The tree house was collapsing.

So here is my pitiful effort. (Read with a southern accent)

Mama said her life has been filled with sadness. When grammy and gramps got divorced she thought she had done something wrong. Later on she learned that some things in life just don’t go well together and that her parents were one of those things.

Lately mama has been sadder than usual, crying all the time and sometimes for no reason at all. Daddy says it’s something that happens to women when they get older, something to do with hormones. I hope I never get hormones when I get older.

Lenny (short for Lenard) and me are almost ten years old, we are twins, but not the kind you can tell just by looking at us. Mama says it’s ‘cos God knew she couldn't  handle being pregnant twice so he gave her a two for one special.

Daddy built us a tree house when we were five years old; it was made out of old pine boxes and has a bamboo roof. I love that old tree house; it’s where Lenny and I have spent most of our time playing. At least it was until Lenny fell out of the tree last summer and broke his leg. The doctor said it will take some time to heal. Lenny hasn’t been able to play in it for a while since he can’t rightly climb up the ladder. So I decided to redecorate it with pink pillows and call it my castle. My friend Shireen and I play princess princess in there every chance we get.

I don’t know why mama cries all the time, Aunt Emma says it’s ‘cos mama feels like her whole world is falling apart.  I can’t imagine what that must feel like. I think it would be as if the tree house was collapsing. I think it’s ‘cos daddy works so hard for us and comes home late at night.

Last week daddy came home very late and I heard mama yelling at him that he smelled of cheap perfume. I thought it was kinda thoughtful of daddy to make himself smell nice for mama before he came home. She just didn’t appreciate it I suppose. Grownups are kinda weird I guess.

Be Brave

You are braver than you think
Stronger than you can ever imagine
Wiser now than before
You feel broken, but you can be mended
You feel lost, but good people can help you find your way again
Speak out, for yourself!!! for all those who have not yet found their voice
Be brave
                                             Karen Meyer



I shared this video last week, this song has just struck a chord with me.
Every time I hear it I think of all those rape survivors who are hurting and not speaking
out. I chose the copy with the lyrics in it, because these words resonate with me.

Please listen to this song and read the words, and you will know what I mean.

Words can heal, use them.

Sexist tendencies, no way

I love my teaching job and I have been doing it since 1992, so I am pretty confident (without sounding obnoxious) that I know what I am doing and that I am a pretty good teacher, but every now and then a kid comes along and challenges me. Yesterday a little boy in my class asked me a question, that actually made me question(doubt) that what I am teaching my class is the right thing.

I have always tried to cultivate an atmosphere of gender equality in my classroom. I teach that girls can be engineers, pilots etc and boys can play with dolls and so on.(who knows they may make great dads one day) So imagine my surprise when a kid asks me something so trivial yet it makes me think twice.

Yesterday, just before outside time, I announced, like I always do: "Alright girls go put your message book in your bags, then go outside to play" Once all the girls have gone, I always let the boys do the same. Then just after my announcement one of the boys put his hand up and asked: "Teacher, why do you always let the girls go first?" .....stumped.....

 I never really thought about it before, it was just the way I always did things. I looked at him, at a loss for words and suddenly thought; am I cultivating a sexist environment?

I turned to him and replied: "Well because it is the polite thing to do, by letting the ladies go first you are showing that you have good manners." He responded by saying; "Ok"

Now I know this may seem trivial and my answer was good enough, but it got me thinking. I have to be so careful of my actions as a teacher, what I do impacts these little lives so much ( I have always known this) but never questioned it before.  I also don't want women to be seen as the weaker sex, but am merely teaching my class to respect women.

I have since then decided, that he has a valid point and that from now on, I will alternate, by allowing girls first one day then boys first the next. After all, I do try and teach equality as much as I can.

Thoughts?

Hell hath no fury like.......

So this morning I decided to tidy up my huge pile of old magazines (I know being on school holiday is soooo exciting) Anything that was a year old had to go, unless of course it had articles in it written by my brilliant fiance.  Then I came across a magazine (the name of which I will not mention for fear of being charged with defamation) which I really enjoy and receive monthly. This issue was 18 months old and I wondered why I kept it so long, until I paged through it and then I remembered! It was a reminder.

I had submitted an article to the features editor of said magazine for their consideration and after waiting a month for a reply, received a polite, no thanks. At the time I thought, Oh well at least I tried. As I know I am not a great writer, but sometimes I do get great ideas.

Two months later this particular issue of said magazine came out and one of its main articles was the exact idea of mine. It was written by one of their staff writers, the words were very cleverly changed around so there was no actual plagiarism, but the idea and meaning was the same.

To say that I was miffed is and understatement, I mean how could they do that?

Could they not have used the idea I had and just edited the content profusely? with a small credit to the person who wrote the original?

I have no idea how this whole writer thing works, but I am pretty sure I am not the only one this has ever happened to.

Makes me feel a little like this:

"I am Jack's smirking revenge"

Fight Club

The proposal (so unexpected)

Thursday 13th June 2013, such an emotional day! here's how it all unfolded.......

That afternoon I entered a competition on the radio and won some money, I told Scott about it and said that we could go out to dinner to celebrate. He suggested we got to Wakame as it is the place where we met. It was pouring with rain that day and when he got home I told him I didn't want to go to Wakame as it really is more of a sit-by-the-balcony-overlooking-the-sea-in-summer kind of place. Little did I know  he was planning to propose there. You see Scott is a hopeless romantic, one of the many reasons I love him so much. He had been looking for ways to propose for two months!!! He bought the ring in April and hid it from me. His first choice was to create a video of him singing a song and in the middle of the song, he would stop and propose. This was to be uploaded  to the Internet and scheduled to go live on my birthday (end of June) while we are on top of table mountain. Lovely idea, except it always rains on my birthday and the mountain is usually closed. He was running out of ideas and so decided tonight was the night.

Since I vetoed Wakame, we decided to go to a local dive for dinner, not the kind of place you want to propose in, so the plan had been foiled again. Then things turned ugly, we had a huge argument. The kind that leaves you crying and not wanting to talk to each other for a while. We got home from dinner and the argument continued, each side trying to make the other see his/her point of view. This was getting us nowhere, we kept going round and round the same issue. Eventually I had had enough, I put on my pink and white stripy pj's (the ones Scott likes to call my wheres wally outfit) and climbed into bed. This has been an emotional day so far, from being happy about my winnings, to this, I was spent and just didn't want to continue this argument any longer. Then Scott did something completely unexpected. He came around to my side of the bed, knelt down on one knee and pulled a small box out of his pocket. I looked up at him in disbelief and said "NOW? you are doing this NOW?" He looked at me and said "Yes,............ Karen will you marry me?"

my beautiful ring

I looked back at him and said "Seriously? dude, you could not have picked a worse time"  He stayed there, on one knee took the ring out of the box and held it up to me and said "So will you?"

I looked at this man whom I have loved for as long as I have known him, but hated just a few minutes ago and realised that no matter what, I do actually want to marry him.  And so I said "Yes! I do want to marry you"

We hugged, we cried, we kissed and then we hugged some more. I ran to call my gran, my mom and tell the whole world. I was elated!

Later that evening I asked Scott, " What if I had said no, not because I didn't
want to marry you, but just to spite you because at that moment in time I was mad at you? " He then told me that he had been planning this for a long time, he wanted it to be the best most romantic proposal ever, but suddenly right there in the middle of our argument he suddenly thought, if in our darkest moment, when we are at our lowest point with each other, I love him enough to say yes, even when I hate him (not really) I still want to marry him, then he knows it's for keeps. He said that was the big test of our love for each other, that if we still wanted to be with each other in those horrible times, then we could survive anything together as a couple. (heart melt right there)

That to me, was the most romantic thing ever!!!