Why I blog...

I use this blog as a kind of therapy. Sometimes I'm happy and want to share it, sometimes it's just a random thought and sometimes it's to deal with things in my past. After all a burden shared is a burden halved

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

my life is sometimes like a seesaw

I have often thought of what it must be like to be bi-polar, that's probably because sometimes I feel like I am or at least my life does.
Isn't it weird how things seem to happen in bulk amounts. For instance if you buy a new car, suddenly you notice so many of the same make of car on the road. It's as if now they are being mass produced and paraded around in front of you just to say, your car isn't special.
Or when you hear of a death or pregnancy. Suddenly in one week 3 people have died or every second high school friend is expecting.
That old expression 'it never rains, but it pours' springs to mind.
I am a Pre-school teacher, so my only real skill is getting along with children. So to supplement my income I au-pair afternoons and babysit on a regular basis.
The financial climate at present dictates that I do this as often as possible.
Some months I am fully booked every weekend, even getting 3 or 4 calls for bookings on the same night. Then there is the proverbial 'salticrax' month, when no-one can afford to go out and pay a babysitter.
Strange how things often come in 'all or nothing' packaging.
You cant be a little bit dead/pregnant, you either are or you are not.
Extremes seem to be the norm in my life. The problem with this is that when I am up on a high it's great, but when I am down, I am really low. I am not even glass half empty instead I am glass is completely empty.
A little bi-polar? maybe, who knows? Only one thing I can be sure of, when its good it's very very good and when its bad I have two choices; face it head on and come through stronger for it, or run for cover and wade it out hoping it will pass quickly until its good again.
Here is a line form a movie called, Tenderness (crap movie, but great line)
There are two kinds of people in this world. Those that run towards pleasure and those that run away from pain.
Pleasure helps you forget the pain, but pain makes you hopeful, because while you're going through it you think "surely this can't last, at some point it must come to an end".

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