Thinking back on things the other day, I thought about embarrassing things that have happened to me in my lifetime. There are quite a few and I won’t bore you with all of them and then of course there is that one that is THE most embarrassing of all.
There were the few usual falling down of stairs while wearing ridiculously high heels, a couple of foot in mouth episodes and of course an unfortunate bird pooping on my head incident, whilst trying to teach a Sunday school lesson outside in the sun. Needless to say class momentum was lost and the lesson, well who knows what, if anything, they remember of it. (I certainly don’t).
But then there is the piece de resistance, the crème de la crème of all embarrassing moments and now (nervously) I am going to share it openly with you.
This was about 15 years ago and while I was still married. My husband at the time decided to buy me an adult toy (yes, ok it was a vibrator if you must know). This was intended to spice things up a little. I never used it and so he put away. We didn’t have the original packaging for it anymore so he put it in the inside pocket of his leather jacket.
This was a very heavy (read- expensive) black leather jacket that he received as a gift from a close friend. He never wore it as it was too thick and heavy, and so the jacket along with its raunchy content sat forlorn in the cupboard for about 5 years.
One day my grandmother (who still thinks I am a sweet little angel and that’s the way I like it) came to visit, my ex had put on a little weight by then and said that he had a few items of clothing that were too tight for him and that my gran could take them for my grandpa as they were still in excellent condition. My gran was overjoyed and so my ex began unpacking his cupboard of clothes that he no longer wore.
In the meantime I went to the kitchen to make some coffee for us all. When I came back to the bedroom there was a pile of shirts, T-shirts and some other items of clothing on the bed. I grabbed a few shopping bags and helped my grandmother put these items into the bags for her to take home. Right at the bottom of the pile was the black leather jacket. I (and my ex I guess) had forgotten what was inside of it. My grandmother picked up the jacket and said: “ooh this is a nice jacket”. Then she proceeded to feel inside the jacket pocket. She felt something and put her hand inside and whipped out the vibrator, and said: “oh what’s this?” I looked at her, my face turned about 10 shades of beetroot red and said, “oh I dunno, it’s not mine”. I very quickly (I think the speed-of-light springs to mind) grabbed it out of her hand and put it into the bedside table drawer. I gave her, her coffee and changed the subject.
Now I have told you mine, why don't you tell me your most embarrassing moment! I know you wanna ;-)