My most embarrassing moments and the one that is cringe worthy

Thinking back on things the other day, I thought about embarrassing things that have happened to me in my lifetime. There are quite a few and I won’t bore you with all of them and then of course there is that one that is THE most embarrassing of all.

There were the few usual falling down of stairs while wearing ridiculously high heels, a couple of foot in mouth episodes and of course an unfortunate bird pooping on my head incident, whilst trying to teach a Sunday school lesson outside in the sun. Needless to say class momentum was lost and the lesson, well who knows what, if anything, they remember of it. (I certainly don’t).

But then there is the piece de resistance, the crème de la crème of all embarrassing moments and now (nervously) I am going to share it openly with you.

This was about 15 years ago and while I was still married. My husband at the time decided to buy me an adult toy (yes, ok it was a vibrator if you must know). This was intended to spice things up a little. I never used it and so he put away. We didn’t have the original packaging for it anymore so he put it in the inside pocket of his leather jacket.
This was a very heavy (read- expensive) black leather jacket that he received as a gift from a close friend. He never wore it as it was too thick and heavy, and so the jacket along with its raunchy content sat forlorn in the cupboard for about 5 years.

One day my grandmother (who still thinks I am a sweet little angel and that’s the way I like it) came to visit, my ex had put on a little weight by then and said that he had a few items of clothing that were too tight for him and that my gran could take them for my grandpa as they were still in excellent condition. My gran was overjoyed and so my ex began unpacking his cupboard of clothes that he no longer wore.

In the meantime I went to the kitchen to make some coffee for us all. When I came back to the bedroom there was a pile of shirts, T-shirts and some other items of clothing on the bed. I grabbed a few shopping bags and helped my grandmother put these items into the bags for her to take home. Right at the bottom of the pile was the black leather jacket. I (and my ex I guess) had forgotten what was inside of it. My grandmother picked up the jacket and said: “ooh this is a nice jacket”. Then she proceeded to feel inside the jacket pocket. She felt something and put her hand inside and whipped out the vibrator, and said: “oh what’s this?” I looked at her, my face turned about 10 shades of beetroot red and said, “oh I dunno, it’s not mine”. I very quickly (I think the speed-of-light springs to mind) grabbed it out of her hand and put it into the bedside table drawer. I gave her, her coffee and changed the subject.

Now I have told you mine, why don't you tell me your most embarrassing moment! I know you wanna ;-)

The first week

It was on a very cold and rainy Monday evening that I moved in with my boyfriend. Everything I owned of value, crammed into my car. I couldn’t quite believe that I had actually done it. I left the only home I had known since I was 16 years old. This was a huge step for me. Monday night we were still in a bit of shock, but happy to be together. Tuesday night we were still very much in the “I still can’t believe I am here” phase, but also very much in our little love bubble. Wednesday night he thought (being the considerate person that he is) he had better let his ex know that his girlfriend was now living with him. Not just out of courtesy, but also because they share the parenting of their three children. Also it would be an appropriate time for her to voice any concerns she may have about the person who was going to be spending time with her children. This went well and she had no objections. Thursday evening (while still in the love bubble phase) he remembered that it was HIS weekend with the kids and the fret of how they were going to react set in. Friday evening, the kids arrived!

He set about calling them aside to explain to them that I was now living with him. I remember their reaction and the way he so lovingly set about his grand explanation.

“Now guys, you remember my friend Karen” he began, “yes dad” they said in unison.“Well Karen and I like each other so much that she is now going to be living here with me”. “uhuh” they said, looking slightly confused, but not upset. (So far so good).

“Well you see, because when we don’t see each other then we miss each other and if she is living here then we can see each other all the time and we don’t have to miss each other anymore”. Then he looked at their faces to try and gauge their response. “Is that okay with you guys?” he asked.The two older children said it was fine with them and went off to do their own thing. Jonah (who was only recently 4 years old at the time) looked at me and said “why you living here?” and “where is your house?”

It was about four months later that he finally stopped asking me, “can we go to your house?” and “where is your house?”. It was quite sweet when James (the eldest who was 11 then) would answer him and say “this is her house Jonah, she lives here now”.

I think they took it very well in the end, and the way my boyfriend was so concerned about what his children would think about the whole situation just made me love him even more. He is such a caring and considerate daddy and I respect him as a parent. I think Hannah (the only girl ) really enjoys having another girl around when she comes to Dad’s house, she often likes to go through my jewelry and make-up. All in all a good fit: when the kids are here we all get along and when they are not we have ‘our’ time together.

It’s been a year and a bit since I made that giant leap and I have never been happier.