The cupcake crowd

Last Friday a conversation on twitter about bucket lists and growing old, turned into a long discussion with a sense of  camaraderie between these women; @Shazphoto, @MamaZombie, @SamanthaPerry, @Nocturnalwenchy, @Jenty and myself. At the end of it all, we decided that we all needed a holiday and more cupcakes. 

This got me thinking about my upcoming birthday. I blogged a while ago about my "wobbly" I had when I turned 30, and now in just over a month I will be turning 40!!!!

I mean, how did I get old so fast? When my children were younger 30 was old to them and 40 was positively ancient. I remember when my ex turned 40 they called him an Australopithecus (yes I had to Google the spelling). 

I don't want to be old just yet, not when I still feel like I haven't really lived yet. spending most of my teens being married with children and all the responsibilities that came with that, kind of robbed me of my carefree years. (don't get me wrong I love my children and wouldn't change a thing)  Spending my twenties being a responsible parent of three primary school children was great. I kept thinking, when they are big enough to leave home, I can finally have a life, go out, meet friends etc and still be young enough to enjoy it. Then came my thirties and suddenly I had a teenager! No one can prepare you for parenting a teenager, let alone three. I prefer to call this period of  my life 'the dark ages' and leave it at that. (a whole other blog for another time).

Then my children suddenly grew up and became responsible adults in their own right. This was wonderful, I felt like I could finally be a little carefree and do things I like doing. At the same time I realised that I spent most of my life being a mom, a teacher, as Sunday school teacher, a domestic in my home and various other things we do instead of having fun. In between all of that I forgot to be a wife and a person. I was married for 22years and spent most of it working full day, doing household chores and sleeping. That pretty much summed up my life for two decades. And then I got divorced.

So here I am on the verge of turning 40, starting all over again. I live with my boyfriend (who is wonderful by the way). I have the financial security of a 20 year old, the body of a 60 year old, the mind and spirit of a 27 year old and the energy levels of (depending on the mood) either an 80year old or a 5 year old.

BUT.... you know what, in the end, it ain't nothing but a number!

This blog post was inspired by the cupcake crowd.

You make me proud to be your mommy

Last weekend my daughters and their babies came to spend the day with us.

I was quite amazed to see how differently each one handled their child. My daughters grew up together and are only 2yeas apart in age, their daughters are only one month apart yet their parenting styles are so different.

Each one with their own version of what the best parenting style is, and yet neither one better than the other, just different. I watched in awe at how grown up they are now that they are mommies and proud of the way they faced each parenting challenge.

My second eldest is at University, she is doing her B-ED and wants to be a math’s teacher or lecturer. I was particularly amazed at the way she overcomes life’s little obstacles. Last week while travelling home from Uni she was the victim of a smash and grab. While stopping at a red traffic light a man came up to her car and smashed the passenger window in and ran off with her handbag. She was in shock at first, but went off to the police station to report it. While chatting to her about it on the weekend, she said that a few of her assignments were in her handbag and that she would have to do them again. I asked her if she had told her lecturers about the incident, as they would probably give her an extension on her assignments given her circumstances. She replied that while it was a valid reason, she did not want to tell them and use it as an excuse, in her words “I don’t want to be a victim”.  Also she added that she would have to do them again anyway so there is no time like the present.

I was floored! When did my baby grow up? To be a smart independent and strong woman! I am one proud mommy!!!!

I love the fact that when life throws her lemons, she grabs a baseball bat and hits them away, and moves on. I like to think that my parenting skills aren’t all that bad.

Above is the picture that she posted as her BBM avatar the day after her smash and grab, says a lot don’t you think.

Idle threats and choose day

I always like to think that a person is as good as their word and if they say they are going to do something, they do.

As a mom I know the value of following through on your word. If you make an idle threat and your kid cottons onto you, they remember this and next time might not be as co-operative as you want.

So why then, after months of threatening my boyfriend that I was going to propose this leap year, did I not follow through?

I thought about it, a lot! And came up with this conclusion;

I am a girl, it may not look like it, but I am in fact a girly girl. I like make-up, high heels, pretty dresses, jewelry and bags. I am a romantic and still believe that chivalry is not dead. I like to be surprised (even though I want to know everything). And I like it when my boyfriend shows me he cares.

Now don’t get me wrong I am also a feminist who firmly believes that women are equal to men in all ways possible and that we are by no means the weaker sex.

But in the end I realized, I am just a girl, who believes in happy endings and fairy tale romances. A girl who wants to be swept off her feet. A girl who likes the idea of the handsome prince coming to save her (not because she can’t save herself, but because she chooses to be saved)

And let’s face it, my man is a writer (correction an awesome writer) so he has a better imagination than me and he probably would do a much better job of coming up with something more romantic.

So (no pressure honey) I look forward to my future, which is unknown, with excitement, not trepidation and fear. And whatever may be may be. Que sera sera

Borrowed blog post

This has been doing the rounds on Parent24 sprog blogs;

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER SOME ONE?

No, my mom said she was going to name me Michelle, but when I was born I did not look like a Michelle. My mind wonders what a Michelle looks like.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED AND WHY?

On Valentines Day. My boyfriend's beautiful heart and compassionate nature overwhelmed me.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?

No, as it is very untidy and takes a lot of effort for me to write neatly.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Yes, three although they are technically not kids anymore. I have three grown ups. Cherilyn 23yrs Melissa 21yrs and Michael 18yrs.

IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

Yes, of course I am awesome!

WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?

Hell yeah, it is on my bucket list of things to do.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CEREAL?

Muesli

DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?

Yes, otherwise I would have to untie them when I put them on again.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?

I think so, I have experienced quite a lot of bad in my life and they have made me a stronger person. I get emotional over other people's pain.

RED OR PINK?

I want to say blue as it's my favourite colour, but since I can only choose one of those two, definitely pink! I am a girly girl after all.

WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?

My children as they no longer live with me and sometimes my sister who took her own life in 2008.

WHAT COLOUR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?

A denim mini skirt and a pair of high heel wedges

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?

A bacon avo and feta toasted sarmie.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?

A cell phone consultant who tried to sell me a cell phone contract.

FAVOURITE SPORTS TO WATCH?

I don't watch a lot of sport, but would have to say rugby or tennis.

HAIR COLOUR?

I am not really sure what my hair colour is at the moment, probably silver grey. I have been dyeing my hair auburn since I was 12.

EYE COLOUR?

Hazel

DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?

No, although my boyfriend keeps telling me I need specs.

SCARY MOVIE OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

I am a sucker for mushy happy endings, but I do love a good suspense thriller. I hate slapstick comedy.

WHAT COLOUR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?

Black

SUMMER OR WINTER?

Autumn, there is nothing like a forest walk on a cool autumn day. I like summer, but not when it's too hot.

HUGS OR KISSES?

definitely kisses, soft and long.

FAVOURITE DESSERT?

Pecan nut pie with loads of cream.

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?

I don't have one and can't really remember when last I did.

DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?

No, sadly I was absent the day they handed those out.

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

Mowbray maternity hospital Cape Town.

The best things in life are free...

The best things in life are free, but you can give them to the birds and the bees. I want money. That’s what I want….

Yes most of us spend our lives working and trying to find ways to make as much money as possible, I truly do believe the best things in life really are free.

Valentines Day last week was amazing; I can honestly say it was the most romantic night of my life!

No we didn’t go away to a log cabin in the woods

No we didn’t go to a fancy pretentious restaurant

No we didn’t go on a sunset cruise and

No we didn’t go for a walk along the beach

All of these things sound really romantic (and expensive) don’t they?

Anyone of the above would have been viable options for a great Valentines evening, but none would have been able to compare with the one I had.

awesome dinner table

So where did you go? You ask, well, we stayed at home. I have been working really long hours lately and my considerate boyfriend knew that the last thing I wanted to do when I got home that night was dress up and go out. When I walked in the door I was greeted by my gorgeous man wearing a shirt, tie (he looks so sexy in a tie! Yum) and an apron. He had cooked us a delicious meal, but the best part was the table setting. He kept apologizing for not taking me out to a fancy restaurant. Anyone can make a reservation at a restaurant, pay the bill and buy a lovely card. My man cooked for me, gave me a hand made card with the most beautiful heartfelt poem he wrote and decorated the table with over thirty red hearts he had taken the time to cut out himself. I told him that the waiter at whatever restaurant he would have taken me to, would not have taken the time to hand cut all those hearts and that the time and effort (even though it didn’t cost anything) he took to do all this just for me, meant more than any meal out. That’s the part a lot of men don’t get, you don’t have to spend a fortune to make a girl happy. A simple gesture of kindness, a little love note on the pillow, a flower on your plate when he serves you a toasted cheese sandwich or coffee in bed every morning can make a world of a difference without breaking the bank. All of these things I have experienced and these are the little things that show me he cares.

Yes my Scott is special, and Valentines evening for me, was the most romantic night of my life. Thank you Scott! I love you more and more with each passing year. 

my amazing Scott

High School

This blog post is brought to you by my sick-bed; yes I am at home lying in bed and feeling generally yucky. Naturally the only thing I can do in this situation is lie here and tweet as my thumbs are probably the only part of my body that has any energy to do anything today.  Reading twitter (to curb the boredom) I noticed that my incredibly forward thinking boyfriend has struck a chord with many people regarding their experiences of high school. This comes at a time when he is now thinking about his eldest who will be starting high school next year. His anxiety about making sure it’s the right school for his child is totally normal and most parents go through a similar experience. My initial thought when he voiced his concerns were, “I’m sure he will be fine” after all I have been there done that three times over. This, I realize is not helpful to our relationship as my blasé attitude to parenting (yawn) does not diminish the fact that my partner still has to go through some of the experiences I have already been through.

This made me think of my own high school experience, one that was not all roses, but more like thorn bushes and cacti. I started out like every other newbie, thinking I was all that and expected to be treated as such. It’s so different when you come from just being the top dog and senior at your primary school to starting at a grade 1 level all over again.

I had short curly hair and in primary school my ‘curls’ were cute and adored. In high school I was asked by a bunch of matric girls (the movie mean girls immediately springs to mind just thinking about them) if I permed my hair. This was the eighties after all. “No” I replied, quite proudly, “it’s natural”. The next day when I entered school I was greeted by strangers saying, “Good morning natural” with a sarcastic undertone. After that I became known as ‘nest head” I guess that was pretty much the beginning of my hate-hate relationship with my curly hair. The problem was that this kind of abuse (for lack of a better word) just made me more determined to show everyone that I WAS in fact all that. I became a complete brat at home, cheeky teenager syndrome multiplied by a thousand. I disrespected my teachers just to show the other kids I can be cool, dark and brooding, like James Dean in rebel without a cause. (Except I had a cause)  I did things like hitchhike to clubs, wear make-up to get into pubs when I was only thirteen. Normal teenage behaviour you may say, but I neglected my school work in all my efforts to be part of the ‘in’ crowd and be considered cool. This is one of my biggest regrets in life, to this day. I managed somehow to get through three years of high school without so much as opening a book to study! Not once. Then my mom enrolled me into a college (which I loved) to complete my education.

 I often wonder how much better I could have faired academically if I had actually applied myself and tried to study something. I guess I will never know the answer to that question. I wish I would have concentrated more on school work, respected my teachers who were only there to assist me in my education and worried less about the social aspects of it all. I wish I could have realized that because I am such a social person, I would eventual blossom and have an actual social life. That it would come in time and to just wait for it. I wish I could have known then that I would have friends who like me for me, and not to pretend to be something/someone else just to be liked.

Lessons one learns only form hindsight unfortunately.

For parents

As some of you may know, I have been writing articles for an online parenting website called Mommy Matters Magazine. The intention of this site is to help parents in all issues relating to parenting. It was created as a kind of resource site for parenting. In case you have missed some of my articles, today instead of blogging I have decided to compile a list of them. Below are the links to the articles I have written so far. I hope you find them useful and interesting.

How to cultivate an inquiring mind:

How to survive the first day of play-school:

Child friendly places to go in Cape town:

Beating the holiday boredom blues:

Milestones from 2-5yrs explained:

Positive potty training: