Our crazy, big, complicated, blended family.....

Since getting married recently I have gained three stepchildren, two brother in-laws, a sister in-law and a father in-law. As well as some uncles, aunts and cousins but they are all in the UK and we will probably never ever meet.  My husband on the other hand has gained a nation. To say that my family is complicated (I know I know almost everyone’s family is complicated) is an understatement.  They are a cross between The Brady bunch meets Little house on the prairie with the Osbournes. And that’s just on my mother’s side! Some of them are quite religious and choose to worship God in many ways while others are less outspoken about their religious beliefs and choose to worship at the local pub. The latter seem to be just as devoted to their cause, if not more.

Scott and I with our 6 kids, 2 grand kids and my mom and step dad

Then there is my step dad and his family, who I knew growing up but we have grown apart since I started a family of my own. My own children who now have children and partners and their partner’s family dramas and my biological dad and his family who I have only recently re-connected with.

This can at times be a little too much for my stepson Jonah who is the youngest of our collective 6 children. He is only 8 and is always asking questions. The other day he asked if MY step dad will be his double step granddad or as he put it, his dub step granddad. Then there is the question of my siblings. I have never had a full sibling (meaning the same mom and dad). I have two sisters from the same father and a brother from the same mother.  Jonah wanted to know what they are to him, I tried explaining that they are his half step uncle and half step aunts or is it step half uncle…..

You see my dilemma?

The first photo ever taken of my sisters and I

All in all we are a very complicated bunch, and as complicated as we are we all love each other to some degree. My mom’s side of the family are also a very noisy lot and if you want to be heard when we all get together the trick is to speak as loud as possible. The person with the loudest voice is often the only one who is heard.  My maternal grandmother turned 80 this year and still has all her faculties intact. This makes her a great great grandmother to my granddaughters. That’s 5 generations in a row. A lot of my cousins are in their mid twenties to mid thirties now and have started having babies. One of them to started off this trend and now everyone seems to be joining in. So the family is just growing and growing. I think by the time Jonah is old enough to start a family of his own he may just have it all figured out.

With my dad and step mom

A weighty issue

When I was younger I was always a skinny little girl even after I had 3 kids I managed somehow to lose the weight fairly quickly and my body bounced back.  I was only 21 after the birth of my third child so it made sense that I could keep my slim youthful figure. My average weight was around 52 kilograms and I was a size 32. When I turned 30 I noticed that my clothes were getting a little tighter and that my figure was changing. I put on a few kilograms, nothing too drastic but my body was expanding. At age 34 I had put on an extra 10 kilograms and gone up a dress size. This was a little worrying as I had only put on 15 kilograms with my two younger children during my whole pregnancy and 19 with my eldest. By now I was a size 34 with an average weight of 65kilograms.

I read somewhere about weight gain and how an underactive thyroid could be the cause. Because of course self diagnosing is often the most reliable. So with my new found information I went off to my doctor to have my thyroid gland checked out. Guess what, it turns out there was nothing wrong with my thyroid. The doctor asked me if I had changed anything in my diet. Suggesting that I may be responsible for my now overweight state sounded ludicrous to me and so I responded with a rather cocky: “No, not a thing”

“Well that’s just it” said my doc “You see as we get older our metabolism slows down and we have to start exercising and watching what we eat. You can’t go around eating like you did as a teenager anymore” I left his office feeling quite downhearted that there was no medical explanation I could blame for my weight gain. And so the downward spiral of battling with my body began.

By June 2010 at the age of 38 and going through a divorce, I was a size 36 boarding on 38 and my weight was 74 kilograms.

4 years ago

I have looked back on my life in the past 15 years and realised that there is a direct correlation between my being unhappy or depressed and overweight. My weight did not determine my happiness but my happiness or lack thereof determined my weight. Last year I bought a wedding dress for my wedding. The dress did not fit, I mean it looked so beautiful but the zip would not go up all the way. I bought it anyway in the hope that it may fit by the time I needed it or I would have holes put in the back and thread ribbon through it and leave the zip down. I was assured by a dressmaker that this would work.

2012

I decided that I was going to only eat when I am hungry, not overeat (not that I ever did) and I would try and exercise in order to fit into that dress. Needless to say I have not exercised one bit (still as lazy and unfit as ever) but somehow by some miracle I managed to lose 17 kilograms and the zip on my dress went up all the way on my special day. Today I weigh 58 kilograms and can fit into a large size 32 or a small 34. I am not looking for a ‘well done’ as I didn’t work for it. If I had spent hours at the gym and was on a strict diet then I would welcome accolades for all my hard work. NO I simply stopped eating unnecessary. Scott and I eat mostly home cooked meals with normal but healthy type ingredients. I have not been on a diet; I still eat chocolate and cake every now and then.  I did also go off the injection about 2 years ago, but have only lost the weight in the last year so I am not sure if that had something to do with it.

2014

Today I am happy, not because of my weight. I am just happy, with life, love and everything else. I am almost certain that this is the reason my body is now back to the way it was meant to be.

When I look back at the photos of me in the last 5 years I cringe at the thought of how huge I was. I told Scott the other day that it was a pity he met me when I was at my biggest. He simply said “I didn’t see you as a shape; I simply fell in love with you!” Awe how could I not be happy

2014

Marriage, divorce and feelings

This has been doing the rounds on social media for a while and every time I saw it I felt a little judged by others because I was divorced. This was one of those conspiracy type feelings, I know no one is really judging me (I think) but it stems from my christian upbringing. You know the one that says Christians don't get divorced.

I mean I tried, my marriage was not a fly by night thing it lasted for 22 years after all. Yes 22 years people that's like 154 dog years!!! okay unfair comparison, apples and oranges. The problem is, it ended. The first year after my divorce I felt like a failure, like people were secretly whispering about me..."There goes the divorcee, she didn't even try, she just gave up" Well I am here to tell you, that's not the case, I tried but you know what...some things are just not meant to be. It could not be fixed because it wasn't right. From the start it was never right.

I truly believe that I should not have gotten married in the first place. I was 16 for goodness sake, what the heck did I know about life. I fell (love that word...as if I slipped) pregnant and so we got married. He never even asked me, it was the thing you did when you got pregnant, and so we did.

Now I am not saying it was all bad or that it was a huge mistake, after all my first marriage brought me 3 children and for that reason alone I would do it all over again, but I know that in my heart it never felt right. Why am I bringing up the past now? Well I got married again on August 30th!!!!! and I can honestly tell you without a shadow of doubt, this time it is right. It feels right and it feels wonderful.

I fell (there is that word again) head over heels in love (not lust) with the right man that is just the right fit for me. He asked me, wow you have no idea how amazing that feels. He wanted to marry me so much that he actually asked me!!! not because I was pregnant, not because it was the thing we had to do but because he wanted to. He is the most amazing husband in the world and I feel like the luckiest woman ever. 

Going to the chapel and...oh wait!

You know that old song: Going to the chapel and we're gonna get married? Well we are....sort of.

A year and two months ago I had just sold 5 houses in a row, life was good, money was flowing and my boyfriend had just proposed! And so the wedding planning started. I found a dress I really loved and so I bought it!

We knew that we didn't want a huge wedding as we would much rather spend money on our actual day to day lives than on one occasion, but however small it was going to be, it would still cost a bit of money. We started looking at venues as this seemed to be the biggest expense and chose a lovely little chapel we both felt would be perfect. We chose Rhodes memorial chapel which had recently been renovated after a fire destroyed it some years ago. We would have even had it there had they not rebuilt it, we quite liked the rustic half broken building effect, but since it had been redone, we took it as a sign.

A few months went by and we both realised we needed to move as the one bedroom house we were living in was just too small, especially when our collective 6 kids were visiting. So we embarked on a house hunting expedition. With the help of friends we moved in March this year to a bigger home that is just perfect except that it comes with a much bigger price tag. We hit a financial snag and the burden of bigger rent along with day to day bills became too much and we decided that a *wedding* was just an expense we could not afford. We could either wait another year or just go to court and get married. We chose not to wait and so we went down to the home affairs office and booked our date. A little sad that we wouldn't get to have an actual wedding celebration with friends and family but determined none the less to go ahead and make that commitment to each other. 

I mentioned to my awesome boss at school that we are just going to court as I would need the day off work and she said asked me if I was going to wear my beautiful dress to court. I don't know about you but the thought of wearing a stunning white wedding gown to Wynberg  home affairs just doesn't appeal to me. I told her I would probably just sell it. She came to me a few days later and told me that I HAVE to have a wedding and that she will plan it for me. Everything! we could use our school (where I teach) as a venue and she would love to do all the event planning! I was gobsmacked. Fast forward two months and we are having a wedding!!!!!!! I think it's actually quite quirky, a teacher getting married at school. The planning, and the countdown and all the excitement has begun. 

And on the 30th of August we will have our wedding!!!! a budget one, but one with family and friends and lots of love. Due to the constraints of the amount of people we can actually squeeze into two classrooms we have had to be brutal about the guest list but I am excited dammit.

Friends

Writers Bootcamp challenge, day 26 topic: Friends...

I read a tweet once that goes like this: Of course I have friends, I have the whole box set.

This pretty much sums up my life with friends. I have not had much luck with cultivating friendships. Pretty much every weekend is spent with my partner. He is my best friend. That is not to say we don't have any at all. We have friends that we see on birthdays and at special events, but none that we hang out with on a regular basis.

my only true best friend lives in another country and I only really get to see her once a year but when we get together it's as if she never left.

I have found over the years that friendship is hard work. We had tons of friends at one stage and the invitations were flowing but we have commitments and a family and well after saying sorry we can't make it because we have the children or sorry we can't meet you at said restaurant this evening as we just don't have the funds, the invitations started to dry up.

It's okay though as our family commitments keep us quite busy and we are very happy just being in each other's company. Having friends in your life is important but so is family and sometimes as a grown up you have to make tough decisions about the priorities in your life.

Wrong time, wrong place.

WritersBootcamp challenge, day 25 topic: Write about whatever you want....

It started out as a perfectly normal day. Monday morning rituals in the Roberts household was hardly anything to write home about. Chris was in the bathroom while Sarah banged on the door yelling at him to hurry up, as she needed to shower and didn't want to be late for school. Mom was in the kitchen packing lunch boxes and dad was eating breakfast while watching the financial indicators on the morning news.

I was sick and mom said I could stay home to recover. The doctor had said I should get plenty of rest and drink lots of liquids. "It's just the flu you know" Chris had told me earlier, "You could suck it up and go to school." I ignored his retorts and reminded him that he was neither my mom nor my dad and certainly not the boss of me. I know it was a juvenile remark but he deserved it! He just brings out the worst in me sometimes. Besides he is only 16 years old which is only 2 years older than me.

After everyone had left, the house was peaceful once again and I drifted back to sleep.

I eventually got up around 12:30 as my stomach dictated that I have something to eat. As I stepped out of bed, I slipped on some marbles, fell backwards and landed on the hard tiled floor with a loud thump. My back began to ache and I realised that I could not move. What do I do now? should I try moving slowly? Should I call for help? That's ridiculous no one will hear me, everyone is out at work or at school. I could hear the sound of the neighbours domestic worker cleaning next door. Maybe if I shouted loud enough she might come and check up on me. No that's not gonna work, I would still need to get to the front door to let her in.

I lay there for what seemed like an eternity before I mustered up enough energy to get back into bed. Now I had a sore back, I was hungry and I had flu. I was feeling very sorry for myself indeed.I reached for my cell phone and called mom. She didn't answer. All this movement had made me feel a little weak. I closed my eyes and fell fast asleep. 

I woke up to find three men wearing ski masks hovering over me. I was about to scream when one of the intruders put his hand on my mouth and said "Hush little man, don't strain yourself. We not here for you". I found myself frozen with fear, I didn't move or make a sound. The second, much taller man looked over to his friend and said "He must be the cripple Peg told us about. leave him be, he can't identify us anyway". They left my room and started grabbing things from around the house and stuffing them into bags. I heard one of them say " He's not a cripple, he's a deaf mute so we won't have to worry about him". They moved around the house going from room to room looking for anything that was on their list of items to steal. I could hear them getting frustrated as the items in our house didn't match the ones on their list. And within half and hour they had managed to relieve us of anything that was of value. And then they were gone.

When mom came home that evening I was a mess. I told her everything that happened in great detail. I was still shaking and quite weak by now. Mom gently stroked my forehead and told me everything was going to be okay. Then I heard her phone the police station.

Two days later we out that our neighbour across the road has a 17 year old daughter named Peg and a wheelchair bound son who is severely handicapped. Peg had been missing for 3 months.

What's in a handbag...

WritersBootcamp challenge Day 24 topic: What's on my desk/in my handbag/my pocket/my car....

A couple of weeks ago myself and two work colleagues went to The Toad on the road for lunch. During our time there we had a few glasses of wine. At some point my one colleague Tracey reached into her handbag to get something and pulled out a pair of tiny socks, to which she pronounced "You know you're a mom when you have toddler socks in your handbag". We all chuckled for a moment and then my other colleague Heather proceeded to empty the contents of her handbag onto the table while saying "Check what's in mine".

My reaction to all this (while giggling and sipping wine) was to feed my social media addiction by whipping out my smartphone and taking a photo of said contents. This was either to Tweet, Instagram (latergram) or blog about at a later stage, I was undecided at the time). So today's post was meant to be, as I blog the contents of my friend and colleagues handbag.

1 Wallet with the usual wallet type contents.

1 Identity book in a lovely sunflower cover.

1 Plastic medicine spoon. (she is also a mom).

1 Car key with remote.

1 Pink plastic container, minus the lid which was mysteriously missing.

1 Tube of hand cream.

1 Packet of tissues.

1 Breath freshener spray bottle.

1  Cellphone.

1 Lighter.

2 Packets of cigarettes.

Various till slips.

1 packet/box of Tic Tacs.

An old R 2 and R5 note (haven't seen those in years).

A pink highlighter (she is a teacher after all).

And a thing that I don't quite recall the name of, but it's apparently a device to measure running distance. This was particularly strange and Heather is neither a runner nor a jogger type of person and the device had no batteries in it.

My own handbag is quite standard: Wallet (usually on the empty side)..

                                                       Lip gloss.

                                                       Deodorant.

                                                       Sunglasses.

                                                       Tissues.

                                                       3 pens.

                                                       4 USB sticks.

                                                       Hand cream

                                                       Hairbands x 3

                                                       Cigarettes.

                                                       Miscellaneous papers, among them old till slips.

So, what's in yours?